Friday, 12 May 2017

HUMOUR: "I catch you, my love I catch you...". A Calabar Girl Narrates Her Love Encounter with a Mad Man - Story of the Week

|Ukorebi Esien|12 May 2017|

Greeting is an act of communication in which human beings intentionally make their presence known to each other. Most times our greetings and pleasantries uttered without sincerity or conviction, we just say them for formality sake. And when this is done we rarely appreciate the literal meanings of the words we mutter, not knowing the consequential effect of such act, the story below buttresses this point. 
Our story teller for today did a similar mistake. Read her story and learn. As humorous as it may sound, yet there are great lessons to learn. Her story is titled "Be Careful How you Respond to Greetings"

Be Careful How You Respond To Greetings

I was strolling home yesterday in my neighborhood after seen a friend off and fiddling with my phone. It was getting too dark to make out familiar faces I probably would have had to greet for courtesy sake so I didn't bother looking up from the phone and that was how someone walking pass greeted "Evening Sister" and I responded unconsciously in my new and trending signature response "Good Evening, Beloved... God bless you".
Dear Friends, that was how the trouble started!

I hadn't gone far when the person started following me shouting "my love my love". I was so pissed and angry at his obvious pettiness and childish behaviour and was determined to put him in his place. I turned and was beginning to 'size him up' when my eyes caught sight of a red salesgirl slippers on one foot and black football boots on the other as he came closer. By the time my gaze had wandered through the torn pants and conspicuously dirty ankara top to the forest of dreadful locks on his head, it was confirmed I was looking at a Mad Man ( ifu idat). Then our eyes met and he smiled stretching his hands towards me shouting "My Love...".
 Liver failed me!

The road was almost deserted and I knew I had committed a blunder in the manner I had responded to his greeting. He was only a couple of steps away and still calling "my love.." when l did the only sensible thing l could think of, taking to my heels!

 It's being a long time I sprinted so it was only a matter of steps before I started getting signals from my body to slow down. Hmmm, babes don dey old and some things are better left at youth. I stopped running and turned round more determined than ever to call his bluff and if possible, scoop a handful of sand into his eyes when I realized the evil spirit  wasn't much of an athlete either and was still a good distance from me. I was still contemplating my next move when to my greatest surprise, he stopped, waved at me and turned back to continue his mental sojourn. I heaved a good sigh of relief and equally turned to continue the rest of my journey home peacefully only for him to change his mind and start running after me again, this time with renewed vigour and agility. Oh boy, see me begin fly like Hussain Bolt. The mad man sef no gree, he kept  pursuing till I was almost at my gate and about to run into my compound when it suddenly occurred to me it would be a bad move as I wouldn't want him to know my place of abode to avoid possible follow up. I quickly ran past my house with the Sorry Sight still in hot pursuit and eventually had to  circle the block almost three times before I was able to lose him.

Fast forward to this morning;
I was dressed and stepping out for work when from nowhere I heard a familiar voice laughing and screaming "I catch you, my love I catch you...". To say I was shocked would be an understatement of the decade. As it stands, I cannot say for sure if I walked, ran, flew or disappeared into my house thereafter. All I know is, I found myself inside my house trying frantically to lock the door.

 I learnt 'Aboki' at the gate gave him a good beating and sent him on his way but I'm not consoled because something tells me he'll be back!
I'm scared to leave my house now.

What a story? 
All dis slay queens dem wey dey waka for road dey press press fone shay una don learn? look before you greet and make you no call person my love, sweet heart, ima mmi etc if you no dey ready to accept the implications of the name 

Ukorebi Esien 
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